


Ineffable Husbands: Even God Ships It!

by EmeraldAshes



Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: (I Love That This Is Already a Tag), And a Sandalphon Who Is Just Along for the Ride, Bad Matchmaking, By God Herself, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Getting Together, God Ships Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Matchmaking, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldAshes/pseuds/EmeraldAshes
Summary: Sandalphon cleared his throat and declared, "Typically, God works in mysterious ways. Under the circumstances, however, She has insisted that I be very straightforward.""So you decided on a musical number," Crowley said.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527989
Comments: 10
Kudos: 202





	Ineffable Husbands: Even God Ships It!

**Author's Note:**

> I just posted something yesterday, and it is already 80 fics deep on the Good Omens tag. This fandom is insane and I am HERE FOR IT.

Contrary to popular belief, God's Divine Plan is more of an outline.

Take, for example, the invention of film. God had not seen that one coming.1 She had liked it so much, however, that she had reshaped great swathes of history to ensure it was a real hit.

Due to the wibbly-wobbly nature of time once the creator of the universe gets involved, God had been enjoying television long before television was conceived. She had a particular fondness for Grey's Anatomy seasons 1 through 4 and 236 through 242.

In the manner of a high-powered executive turning off their email notifications for the weekend, God had insisted that Metatron briefly take care of the prayers while she caught up on her shows. Just for a few thousand years, nothing to fret about.

Kicking back with the remote control was a relaxing way to spend a couple of millennia. Of course, it had been frustrating when Armageddon had come along and tried to cancel her favorite show...which was not technically a show at all.2 The whole debacle had been irritating enough that She had gone and canceled Armageddon instead.

The Armageddon That Wasn't, in Her holy and unquestionable opinion, should have been a turning point in the show's plot. But it was a relatively minor development, instead.

Everything had changed, yet the angel and the demon continued much as they had for the last several centuries. After 6,000 years of Will They or Won't They, it was looking like the answer would be Won't. Which is just bad television, really.

And so She decided to give them a nudge.

And another nudge.

And yet another nudge.

Alright, She decided after Her latest failed attempt. A shove then.

* * *

Crowley was pining. He had been doing this quite consistently for the entirety of human history, so Aziraphale can't be blamed if he didn't notice.

"Come on, angel," Crowley said, tempting the angel with a soft smile, an invitation in his voice. "Have I ever led you wrong?"

"Yes, most definitely," Aziraphale replied.

Crowley quirked an eyebrow. "...about food?"

"Well, no, not about that _specifically_ ," he relented.

"It's good," Crowley continued, walking them slowly toward the new ice cream parlor that had moved into their little corner of London.

"Well, of course it's _good._ Honestly, my dear, it's ice cream. I just fail to see how rolling it could improve upon the flavor."

"Trust me."

Aziraphale did. And he was right to. The angel slipped a spoonful of s'mores ice cream into his mouth and moaned.

So, Crowley thought. This is how I die.

"It's good, then?"

"It's delightful. Can you believe they actually set a marshmallow on fire? How charming." The angel's halo was tucked away into another dimension, but Crowley was quite certain he could still see its soft light.

"So I was right then."

"Well, there's no need to be smug about it." Aziraphale helped himself to another generous bite.

A fleck of ice cream painted his cheek, and Crowley began to reach out before awkwardly fumbling his hand back, then flailing around his own head. "You, erm, you've got something right, ah, no...not quite. Yeah, there. You got it."

After patting around a bit with his napkin, the angel successfully wiped away the sweet smudge.

"Thank you, my dear." Aziraphale beamed at him, so shining, so good. Trumpets blared and a heavenly choir sang. Literally.

"Just, just, just, juuuuust kiiiiss alreeeeeadyyyy."

Crowley turned to glare at the posse of angels dancing behind them. "What the fuck?"

The angels ignored him, transitioning to a sequence involving jazz hands as they crowded together. When they twirled apart again, Sandalphon emerged from their throng in full regalia.

"Seriously," Crowley repeated. "What the fuck."

"Sandalphon," Aziraphale said, a hint of warning in his tone.3 "What do you want?"

"How are you so bloody calm about this?" Crowley muttered. "Is this what you people do all day in Heaven?"

"Don't be silly."

"Me? I'm the silly one here?"

Sandalphon cleared his throat and declared, "Typically, God works in mysterious ways. Under the circumstances, however, She has insisted that I be very straightforward."

"So you decided on a musical number," Crowley said.

Sandalphon glared at him. "She also said I could have fun with it."

"Right."

"Kindly deliver your message," Aziraphale said.4

"Right," Sandalphon turned to the chorus of angels, still shaking their wings to an a capella beat. "Go on, then."

"No, absolutely not," Crowley cut in.

"It _is_ the word of God," Aziraphale said, though there was a slightly dubious expression on his face.

"They can deliver the word of God in another bloody way."

Sandalphon huffed, and the angelic choir muttered amongst themselves. They had practiced this song. It was really quite good.

Sandalphon glared at them. "Right, fine. I believe her exact words were, 'This is getting boring. Can't they just get together already?'5 She also seems to think that this...thing...between you two is very romantic."

"Um, what?" Aziraphale said, his voice rising a few octaves higher than usual.

"I thought it was weird too, frankly, but it is not mine to question why."

"D-did you just say that God Herself has blessed our union?"

"Sure, yes. Just get on with it then." Sandalphon stalked off into the sky, the chorus twirling around him. The angel and the demon watched them ascend, quiet and confused and dangerously hopeful.

"So," Crowley said at last. "Does this mean you'll go out with me?"

Aziraphale turned to look at him, his dazed expression fading into one of fondness. "My dear, I dare say I've been going out with you for centuries."

"Ah," Crowley said, heart beating fast and wild. "C-cool."

Aziraphale casually took his hand and tugged him forward. "Of course, I suppose we should finally have sex."

Crowley did not spontaneously burst into flames at that moment...

...But it was a near thing.

* * *

1 She was all-knowing by nature, but she also liked surprises.

2 Technically speaking, one might consider it a form of regularly scheduled voyeurism.

3 Don't fight me, it said. Don't try to take what is mine.

4Then leave, he did not say but quite heavily implied.

5 This is a rough translation into a tongue that will not make mortal ears bleed.


End file.
